So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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