When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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