I think I won the penis lottery.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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