No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
