I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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