life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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