North Korea, Best Korea!
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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