Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
