Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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