babies were throwing up all over the place
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
