I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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