2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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