Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you will always have a special place in my vag
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
