i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
