So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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