hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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