Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
