I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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