when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
