So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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