Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
