you're like a bully in the Christmas story
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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