i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
