Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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