dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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