Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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