Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
