He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
