Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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