cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
