You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Randomize
