I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
