KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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