just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
