first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
