Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
