so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
