i barfeds in our rink
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
