my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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