Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
