Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
