I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
