nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
