Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I still have a little drunk in my system
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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