I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
