Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
