Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
They should really pass out barf bags in church
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
