we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
