tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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