the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
