I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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