Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
