why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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