pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
