I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
